A New Journey...

I haven't posted much lately because of work, and school, and life in general, but I want to post about a little journey I have been on for a while now.  On the Monday after Memorial Day last year (May 26, 2014, to be exact), I stepped on the scale and saw 191 lbs.  At 5 feet 1 inch tall, that's more than just obese, that's morbidly obese by any BMI calculator.  I was stuffing myself into size 16 pants and skirts. But more than the number, I looked in the mirror and I saw how truly unhappy I had become.  I was so tired of hating my body, hating clothes and clothes shopping, being embarrassed knowing that summer was here and I would spend the whole time trying to cover up...again.  I knew that the next step was shopping in the Plus Size section, something I swore I would never let happen.  I haven't worn shorts of any kind in TEN years!! After Ava was born I did get to my lowest weight since college, but then stopped living a healthy lifestyle and gained, and gained, and gained some more.  That picture of me on the left up there is from about 2 years ago--I remember I had bought that sweater when I started working at the library to try to hide...well, everything.  So one morning in May I woke up and I said, "Enough.  Today is the day."  I started counting calories.  I started exercising a few times a week.  It wasn't easy.  But the lbs started slowly coming off.  By the time summer was over I was down 25 lbs.  I kept slowly losing through the end of the year. I had set an initial goal to lose 60 lbs in 6 months and be at my goal weight of 131 by the end of the year.

I failed.

I didn't make my goal weight by New Year's.  I'm still not close.  As of this morning, I've lost 40.8 lbs so far, and that picture on the right is me a few weeks ago at 151 lbs.  At 5 feet 1 inch tall, that's just BARELY into the "overweight" portion of the BMI scale.  I feel like I have so far to go still.  It's taken me 8.5 months to lose 40 lbs...I'm not setting any records.  Chuck reached his goal weight a while ago and lost 48 lbs in less than 6 months, without any hard exercise.  Some days I really feel like I failed.  But I woke up this morning and I had a thought, "I can't fail unless I quit."  It turns out that Albert Einstein said something eerily similar (I'm a genius, obviously), "You never fail until you stop trying."  This isn't a race, I'm not trying to beat anyone. I'm just trying to get healthier for myself, for my kids, for my husband.  I'm not in competition with anyone except the person I was yesterday.  So I haven't failed after all, I just need to re-set my goals.

Today I started the YouTube BeFit in 30 challenge, which is a series of 4 different workouts a week for one month.  I am really excited to see my progress in the next 4 weeks, and I'm taking my measurements so even if the scale doesn't show progress, I'll be able to see how my body has changed.  I'm going to up my water intake and watch my carbs more closely, as I've been a lot more lenient lately and they seem to be the scale's #1 nemesis for me.  I'm still counting calories, which is a pain, but I've made it a habit I'll keep for life.  This time, there isn't any going back for me.

I've gone from a size 16 to a size 8 and dropped 40 lbs for good.  Definitely not a failure after all. :-)

Until next time,

Bea