A Concert for You

Oh yeah, if this doesn't induce a headache, I don't know what will, lol. I made the kids "guitars" out of cereal boxes and rubber bands and Ava wanted to put on a concert (try not to judge me by the really unhealthy cereal, lol). Don't you love her "singing voice"? Chuck and I call it her "squeaky voice" and it's the voice she uses whenever she is playing with her toys or singing a song. Awesome, right? Lol.

On a completely unrelated note, Aiden is so excited about the SuperBowl. Like ridiculously excited, he can't stop talking about it. He told me yesterday, "Mom, I can't wait for the SuperBowl. I get to stay up late to watch it, right? I want the Packers to win. Not because I like the Packers, but because I hate the Steelers, so I am going to be a Packers fan for one day, ok?" Someone (hmmm, I wonder who? cough...cough...Chuck...) has been coaching him well, lol.

Enjoy your concert;-)

Losing My Religion

I had a whole big post written, but it just didn't sound right. Any of it. And some days, that's ok too. So I hit the delete button and decided to just post this cartoon, which I love. Some day I'll write my big religion post, and it will be perfect....eventually.

Great Wolf Lodge

This week, on Monday (no school since it was MLK day), we surprised the kids with an overnight trip to the Great Wolf Lodge in Sandusky, OH. It's only a 90 minute drive, which is perfect for a quick get-away. We told the kids we had some errands to run, went out to lunch first so everyone was full, and then hopped in the car. Ava actually fell asleep and slept the whole drive, so she was VERY surprised when we arrived, lol. Aiden was so cute, he kept asking questions, "Hmmm, what is this place?" "It looks sort of like a hotel...are we staying here?" And then when we showed the kids the waterpark, they were SO excited. Ava was hilarious, she is very much into asking "Why?" right now, and about every 10 minutes she asked us, "Why? Why you guys surprise us like this? Why?" So of course we answered, "Because we love you, silly, that's why!"

We all had a great time. Ava wasn't very brave and we had a hard time convincing her to do much other than float with me on the lazy river and play in the baby pool, but Aiden really enjoyed himself. He especially loved the hot tub (which was nice for Mom and Dad, lol). He is really getting to be a great swimmer, he's taking lessons at the Y this session and progressing very quickly.

I didn't take the best pictures (the lighting was a challenge) but I wanted to share what I did have. All in all it was a nice little break from winter, and we all had a great time:)

It's Not Easy Being Green

Jealousy. Oh the ugliness of jealousy. Green just isn't my color, yet somehow I can never stop myself from trying it on for size. Where is it coming from, you ask? A petty place, that is for sure.

As far as having babies goes, I had mine earlier than a lot of my friends from college or camp or wherever. Many of my friends don't have kids yet, and my first baby will start Kindergarten this year (gasp!). So Facebook, lately, has been a veritable baby blur--pictures and birth stories and general tales of love and laughter. And I am so happy for these friends of mine, truly I am, but I can't help it. The little green monster in me is throwing quite a fit.

No, no, no, it's not what you think. I am *not* jealous that my friends are having babies. I did that, had two of them, and I am definitely done making people, lol. It's just that, well, it feels like all of my friends' new babies are...perfect! They are "little angels," they are "sleeping 10 hours already at 2 months old!," and my friends all "just love being a mom more than anything else in the world!" Facebook didn't exist (or at least, I wasn't on it) back when Aiden was born, but trust me, if it had, my status updates wouldn't have looked anything like theirs. My status updates would have been more like, "Why why WHY won't he stop crying!?!?!?!" or "Is it ALWAYS this hard?" or "I don't even remember what sleep actually feels like....SOB!" I'd like to say that I am exaggerating, but anyone that ever met Aiden as a baby can attest that he didn't like being a baby any more than I initially liked being a mom. It was HARD...so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I loved him, but learning how to deal with a newborn that almost never slept and cried constantly...it was a rough initiation into what was supposed to be one of the best and most exciting times in my life.

I needed to get this out on paper and try to get over it. I can't go back and change the way things were, and I know that I am a stronger mother for having weathered the storms of infancy in this house. Ava was a fairly happy baby, but she was also a terrible (if not worse!) sleeper like her brother, and then had all those ear infections and eventually tubes. Maybe I need to try to look at things from a different angle. I want so badly to be happy for all of my friends and their joys and blessings, so I need to get over the fact that I didn't have perfect babies. And it's not to say that it was all bad, after all, I did try my best to cherish those sweet moments when they happened, however few and far between.

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own. ~Harold Coffin

I couldn't have said it better myself. This is the dawn of a new year, a fresh start for me and a time to let go of petty feelings and count the joys that are real for me today. Do I feel like maybe I missed out on some of the joys of motherhood because my firstborn was a difficult newborn? Yes. But I wouldn't change a hair on his head. He is headstrong and fierce, and he just didn't like being a baby, lol. But he is my joy, my sweet wonderful boy, and while I may not have had many moments cooing to him in his nursery, I have had a million great moments with him as a pre-schooler. So I would have to say it was worth it, every single time.

Here is to letting go of doubt, freeing myself of envy, and being grateful for the moments that are mine and mine alone. I'm sure jealousy will be waiting for me to try her on for size again sometime soon...let's just hope I remember how terrible I look in green;)

Happy 3rd Birthday, Ava!

I realized last night that I posted Ava's birthday pictures on Facebook, but I forgot to do a birthday post on the blog. Whoops!

Happy birthday to my sweet, beautiful, amazing little girl. You've changed our lives completely and I can't imagine life without you. Where has time gone? I can't believe you are already 3 years old! I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. You have turned into such a character, full of love, you wear your heart on your sleeve and never hide your emotions (I wonder who you get this from? Lol). You have a flare for the dramatic, love to sing and dance, and love to play dress-up. You host the best tea parties, adore sweets and treats, and you love to tell us that you love us:) Lately you have become very shy around strangers, but I am hoping that passes soon. You finally (mercifully!) decided to start pooping in the potty instead of in your panties and you are completely potty trained now--no accidents for 10 days now! We are so proud of you and we love you so much! Happy birthday, Avie-bug!

(All she wanted for her birthday was a Care Bears cake, which no stores make and I wasn't about to attempt on my own, lol. So $5 in quarters later I managed to come up with plenty of duplicate bears, but they looked great on top of a cake. She loved it!)

Technology or bust

All I have to do is take one look at my children to realize how far technology has come in the past 20 years. Heck, even TEN years--I didn't get my first cell phone until my senior year of college! I remember even then it was this huge novelty, most of my friends didn't have one yet and I bought this teeny little Nokia and thought it was just the best thing ever.

Technological advancements of the last 20 years have vastly changed the way my children will grow up versus the way I grew up. I'm sure I'll get some of my years mixed up, but I don't remember us having a home computer until I was about 12 years old, and when I say "computer" I really mean word processor at best. We had a Nintendo and then a SuperNintendo, but I don't think it was until middle school, maybe even high school since I remember playing it a lot in our basement in Auburn. The second "big" item that my sister and I ever pooled our allowances for was a cordless phone, and it was so terrible that you couldn't even take it upstairs, but we still loved it:)

My children will never know the world that I grew up in. We don't even own a home phone--they have no idea that there was a time not so long ago when people didn't walk around with a tiny phone in their pocket. We have 3 laptop computers (not counting Chuck's work computer, so I guess it's actually 4) which is somewhat sickening, lol (but one of them is really old and terribly slow). My 4 year old is better at playing computer games than I am, and that's with pretty limited play time. Chuck and I were talking the other day and realized that neither of our kids has ever even seen a cassette tape--but I didn't get my first CD until high school!

It feels like the speed of technology is almost scary these days. The amount of time it takes a gadget to become obsolete is nearly frightening. Chuck and I have given up on trying to buy the "latest and greatest" of anything technological, because we know that given a year or two it will be the old, outdated model and for it to even keep working we'll likely have to upgrade to something else. The one thing we haven't succumbed to yet is the "smartphone" craze, but our contract is up this summer and I know we're both considering it. Is it considered "jumping on the bandwagon" when the wagon left without us about 5 years ago? Lol.

I think one of my greatest struggles as a mother is competing with technology. It's hard to try to convince my children that reading a book or doing a puzzle is more fun or stimulating than playing an exciting computer game or watching their favorite television show. My mom told me once that she doesn't remember ever letting us watch much tv as children, but mainly because there weren't many shows made for kids back then. And she's right, if you missed Sesame Street at 9am, there wasn't any other option. These days, between DVR and the 3 separate kids-only channels on our cable package (one that is completely commercial-free!), there's seemingly infinite options to compete with. But I'm trying. I'm still in the race, struggling to make my children appreciate and love reading and quiet games as much as I do. Yet at the same time I can realize how some screen-time IS a necessity if I want my children to succeed in school and in life. If I completely void technology from their lives, they would be at a severe disadvantage in school (since even my son's pre-school classroom has their own computer) and eventually in the workforce, since nearly all jobs require computer knowledge of some sort and some people (like my dear husband) sit in front of a computer for 8-9 hours a day, every day.

The most intriguing thing, for me, is that a decade ago I never could have imagined how powerful technology would be. The internet was something I used for e-mail, and not much more. I never would have imagined tiny phones with internet access and cameras and video-cameras built right in. I couldn't have fathomed owning a flat-screen tv. I have no idea what the next 10-20 years will bring, but I know that without a doubt my children will probably be more savvy that me, lol. Bring it on, technology, bring it on:)

Steal my breath

Do you know that old saying, "Life's not about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away,"? I had one of those moments this morning, and I thought I would share it here. It was particularly sweet because I rang in the New Year last night with a wicked case of food poisoning. Definitely not my best New Year's Eve, although I do have an amazing husband who doted on me dutifully:) (We narrowed it down to either bad lunch meat or a bad glass of wine at dinner, but luckily I was the only one affected)

...

We're alone in the quiet morning hours, holding hands and sharing Blues Clues. I lean over on the couch and press my lips to Ava's tiny ear.
"I have a secret," I whisper.
Her eyes light up as she gasps, "What? What is it?" She's breathless and giddy by the idea of something new.
"I...love...you. So much," I mumble against her cheek.
"Mommy!" she giggles. "That's not a secret, I already know that!" Ava rolls her eyes, something she must have learned from me. "Mommy, I wove you too, you my best friend!"

It's so simple. And my breath catches in my throat as her words squeeze my heart like a tight little fist. I want her to promise me that we will always be this way. Her life is so full of truths, everything in black and white. She has nothing yet to regret. The moment and the meaning absolutely take my breath away, steal it like a punch in the gut, and I wish I could bottle up this feeling and wear it on a chain around my neck. She's always been my more affectionate child, I would never dare hope for these special words from her brother,we have a different sort of love. Not less, just different. And in the still of the morning, the world dark outside, I wrap her sweet words around me like a soft and downy blanket. The moment will be gone soon, and she will likely never remember it, but I will keep it in my pocket always.

And on a belated note, here are some Christmas pictures--finally! Chuck and I aren't in a single one of these, we were probably wrapping our bloody hands from spending an entire morning wrestling toys out of ridiculous packaging. Ok...I'm exaggerating (but toy companies really need to start becoming more environmentally conscious with their packaging!) We had a fantastic Christmas, quiet and lovely and Santa spoiled our children (ok, ok, we are the guilty spoilers;) It was perfect.

I hope all of you have a fantastic New Year! We're excited and ready for a calm and peaceful (hopefully!) 2011!