The SuperMom Conundrum

I have a ridiculously long post to write about our awesome vacation in Disney World, but sometimes when you have a seed in your head, it starts to grow, and refuses to go away until you just plant the darn thing already! So here are my musings on what I like to call "The SuperMom Conundrum."

If you follow my blog or know me personally in any respect, you know that I can be a tad bit envious of other moms. You know those moms I'm talking about. They are the moms who make me stop and say to myself, "How does she do it ALL? I wish I could be more like her. I wish I could make it look so easy!" Now, to be fair, I know deep in my heart and my head that NO mom out there has it 100% together 100% of the time. But some women are just particularly good at making this motherhood business look pretty darn simple. And I'll put it out there for you just so you aren't confused about my opinion, lol: IT IS HARD! It's so hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my whole entire life, and most days all I can think is what a bad job I am doing, what a terrible mess I am making of it all, and I wonder how many years of therapy my kids will ultimately need to reconcile my OCD tendencies about their toys and my crazy obsession with hand sanitizer and my absolute intolerance to whining of any sort. And we all know that one mom (or 10!) who works full-time but still manages to remember show-and-tell and permission slips and also fits in PTO meetings and playdates and then somehow ALSO manages to stay in her highschool size 6 jeans! But that's probably not reality...right?

I think that somehow, over the course of the last 50 years and the Women's Liberation Movement, we women have put more pressure on ourselves than ever before. I read this article this week about the long-standing debate between working moms and stay-at-home moms and it resonated deep within me. When did we decide that we're not successful mothers if we can't do it ALL, do it WELL, and smile the entire time? There are only so many hours in the day! It's just not humanly possible to have a full-time job out of the home, spend every second with your children that they're not in school (and ENJOY it), cook a homemade dinner every night (with organic food and no high fructose corn syrup, no less!), clean the house, do the laundry, exercise religiously (God forbid you actually look like you kept children in that stomach at one point!), keep yourself looking kempt (my hair is starting to take on that perma-ponytail bump again...), and do it all happily, with no griping or eye-rolling or long winded sighs. It's can't be done...can it?

Somewhere deep inside of me is this version of the mother that I think I am supposed to be. Society, the media, and even fellow mothers have built my "SuperMom" up so much inside my head that I don't think I will ever, EVER, come close to her. I start off every day with these completely unrealistic expectations of myself, my children, my husband, everyone. And I can tell you from personal experience that when you start the day at 6:30am with unrealistic expectations, it sure isn't going to be a great day.

So I've decided that this is the year that I kick that SuperMom out of my head. She needs to find another head to live in. I don't have a full-time job and I'm not really using my college degree. I work outside the home 7 - 8 hours a week, and that's plenty for me right now. I don't have to cook a gourmet meal 7 nights a week. I don't have to be perfect 100% of the time and smile doing it. But you know what I DO have to do? I need to LIGHTEN UP. I need to revel in this phase. I need to remember (I'm stealing this from a FB friend, I hope she doesn't mind!) that this life is a marathon, not a sprint, and if I'm going to make it to the end, I need to set my pace accordingly. I need to congratulate myself on the small victories and know when to tell myself, "Better luck next time." I need to hug my kids more, yell at them less, and let my unrealistic expectations fly out the window. Because at the end of every day, no matter how tough it was, I still know that I am lucky like a four-leaf clover. And that is really ALL that matters.

Bye-bye SuperMom. This RegularMom is going to play Wii with her kids :-)

Another Birthday Behind Bars...

I have my little brother on my mind today. It's his 28th birthday, and he's spending yet another birthday behind bars. If my math is right, it's the 5th one in the last 7 years. It's sad, heartbreaking for my family...I can't imagine how it feels for him right now.

We don't talk much about my little brother these days. One the one hand, it's almost embarrassing that something so awful could happen to him. On the other, it's painful to remember. Things just seem better left in the past; he put everyone through so much that it seems pointless to re-hash it all. What's done is done. Sometimes, I will ashamedly admit, days go by and I don't think of him at all. And then suddenly, especially lately when I am playing with my kids, I get hit by a certain long-forgotten memory, a tiny piece of the old Matthew that I stored away somewhere, and I miss him. We never had a great relationship, that much is true. But I still love him, even now, even after everything.

It hurts my heart to know that my children will not grow up knowing who their Uncle Matt is. They did meet him, once, over Thanksgiving back in 2009, when he was clean and out of prison and on a track that we all hoped would stay that way. But it didn't. Somewhere along the line he lost his balance, didn't ask for help, fell off the wire, went back to heroin, robbed several stores, landed back in prison. I haven't spoken to him in 2 years. I'm not sure when I will.

Like I said, we don't mention Matthew much these days. But sometimes, NOT talking about him feels wrong. I think his story is heartbreaking, but it's happening everywhere, all over this country. There is NO such thing as recreational drug use, especially when it comes to hard drugs. I've never met a single person who could "take it or leave it" when it comes to heroin. From my understanding, once you start on a drug like that, it changes you, makes you willing to do almost anything for more. Steal from your family? Yes. Lie to your family? Yes. Even rob a store at gunpoint, just for a few hundred dollars to get your next high. It's scary what drugs can do, but at the same time I think my family is grateful that it wasn't worse. He isn't dead, he didn't overdose. He didn't kill anyone. He has some pretty serious psychiatric problems and health issues, and in prison he is actually getting the help he needs to get better. Eventually. Maybe. I don't know. I'm hopeful.

Matthew can't read this, but his story is important. I know it will be one that I will eventually tell to my children, over and over, to show them what drugs can do to even the smartest and brightest of people. When the sky is your limit, and you choose to do hard drugs, there's just no telling how far you can fall.

Happy Birthday, Matthew. I love you. I forgive you. I hope you are getting better.

~Barbara

DIY: Crossword Family Name Art

Pin It


I have to start this post by saying...sorry. Yeah, I've been completely MIA from the blog lately. And I hate it--I want to be on here, posting frequently about our life, because I love to go back and re-read all of my posts from when the kids were babies. Some days back then I was even posting twice a day! Good memories, lots of pictures and anecdotes about the kids and what we were up to. I need to start doing it again, and it's on my list of resolutions, I promise!

Anyway, I did accomplish a DIY project this week, and a few people on Facebook wanted to know how I made it, so I thought I would share the instructions on my blog. It was very easy to make, and has a big impact on the wall. I absolutely love how it turned out.

First, you will need to configure a crossword that will accommodate all of your family names. I decided to use our last name in the center as the starting point, more because I needed the L in Bailey than any other reason, lol. For some people, even using your last name might not be enough letters, so get creative! Add the word "FAMILY" in the middle and build from that. Or "HOME" or "LOVE" or anything you can think of that would add to the piece. There is no "wrong" way to make this project, it's completely personal. I couldn't figure out a way to get "CHUCK" to work, so I had to use "CHARLES" instead. I configured my crossword by cutting out paper squares and writing the letters in everyone's names on the tiles, and then working and re-working and re-working again my configuration until I was happy with the results. There are fancy online excel sheets you could use, but I kept it simple. Isn't that almost always the best way?

Once you've got your crossword figured out, count how many tiles you will need and head to the craft store. If you have any coupons, bust them out. You will need to buy:

MDF Coasters--I got mine at Pat Catans back in the unfinished wood section. They were $.89 for a pack of 6, but they only had 2 packs. So I had to buy 3 more sets of 4 coasters in a coaster holder, so it cost me a bit more than I would have hoped. Still, the coasters only totaled roughly $8 (for 24 coasters), not bad.

Black acrylic paint--the small bottles of paint in the craft paint section

Alphabet Stencils--I found the size I wanted in the scrapbooking section for $3

Stenciling paint brushes--I used a small, circular foam brush made specifically for stenciling, also found near the paints.

Double-stick tape for hanging

Back at home, carefully stencil each letter onto your coasters. I did end up messing up one of mine pretty badly, but the nice thing is that the coasters were the same finish on the flip side, so I just re-did it on the other side. Let your paint dry, set up your crossword configuration on a large table or even the floor, and then plan where you want to hang it! Mine is BIG--it takes up a good portion of our large hallway wall. I simply used a strip of double-stick tape on each coaster and pressed it good and hard onto the wall. They seem to be up there and not going anywhere any time soon!

There you have it. Very simple instructions for a personalized project with a lot of WOW. I hope you love how it turns out. I think this would also make a fantastic wedding gift for a new couple, and then you could give them extra blank coasters and the stencils for later down the road if they have children. Cute, right? And I promise to be a better blogger in 2012. Happy New year to everyone who is actually still reading this thing!

~ Barbara

My DIY House

There are few things in this world that make me feel as satisfied and accomplished as a good DIY project. When I tackle a craft or a home decor project that adds a personal touch to my home, I feel good, no doubt about it. I love looking around my home and knowing that most of the items on the walls, whether they are pictures I've taken or projects I've completed, are unique and personal. They are items that I will treasure for always, I am sure of it.

I won't go into long tutorials or endless instructions, but I just wanted to compile a picture post of some of my favorite DIY projects that I've done over the past few years. Some of these were gifts and aren't actually in my home now, but they still gave me that sense of satisfaction that a good DIY project always does. I have a few new projects that I've been working on as Christmas gifts, so I can't post them yet, but I can't wait to share them after they've been given! :-)

Whenever I'm feeling down or like my home just needs a little change, a good, thrifty, personal project always seems to lift my spirits. I've got one on the agenda for this week too--I'll be sharing it soon!

Go out and make something, it just might end up being your favorite item in your home.

Stay Small...

My kids are constantly asking things like, "How old do I have to be to ____________?" Mow the lawn, ride in the front seat, drink wine (that was Ava, help us all, lol), use the oven by themselves. The list goes on and on. I completely understand where they are coming from, because for so much of my life I felt like I was sitting on the cusp of something really good. If I could only drive a car, then my life would be perfect. Once I graduated highschool and went to college, that's where the fun would really begin.

Of course now I know that none of that is true. Sure, drinking wine is fun, but hangovers over the age of 30 are pure hell, lol. Mowing the lawn definitely doesn't seem like a privilege. And truth be told, I've always secretly (ok, not so secretly) hated driving. If anyone else offers to drive, I practically throw the keys in their face. Sometimes I'd just rather not have to be the responsible party.

And that's the heart of the matter, isn't it? I was thinking the other day how I hate to separate my life into "before kids" and "after kids" because it seems so one-dimensional. But some days I literally can not, for the life of me, remember what it felt like to wake up in the morning and not immediately have to worry about the well-being of 2 other people. I don't remember what it felt like to wake up on a Sunday morning and lie blissfully in bed, with the most important thing on my to-do list maybe being "organize the pantry." It seems like an entire lifetime ago.

Perhaps that is why, when my littles ask their questions, "When, when, when will I be big enough?" I tend to say things like, "You can drive a car when you're 16, but how about we get through Kindergarten first?" I don't want them to wish it all away, because I just know that it will be here faster than I can blink. I don't want to tell them that being an adult comes with all of these mundane responsibilities, like bills, and taxes, and housework. I just want to let them be kids for as long as they can.

I don't know what made me think of it the other day, maybe just because I've had my brother on my mind lately, but Aiden is now almost the exact same age that my brother was when our dad passed away. I hate thinking about it, how young and naive and innocent my little Aiden seems to me...and that my brother lost his Dad when he was so very small. It was different for me and my sister, we were years older and had more insight into the personal situation going on at home, in many ways even at almost-9-years-old, I could see how losing our father might turn out to be a blessing for us (he was, in short, not a good person, or father). But my brother didn't really know this, couldn't comprehend it. All he knew was that he was 5-years-old, and his father was dead, and never coming back. I think about having to try to explain something like that to my Aiden...it literally brings me to tears. Naturally I hope and pray that this is never something I have to deal with...but still, I've had it on my mind.

Anyway, this post sort of turned out to be a downer! Lol. I apologize. I guess when you are in that state of mind, you can't help but put it somewhere.

In other, unrelated, news. I got a part-time job! I am working at the YMCA in the drop-in childcare for members 3 evenings a week. So far it's been pretty good, I've had some crazy nights, but all in all it is a wonderful experience. It's definitely opened my eyes to how very lucky I am to have healthy, happy children. The kids are taking my job in stride and are very understanding that their Dad has to put them to bed when Mom is at work. So far, it's working out well, so that is great!

Everyone else is doing well. Ava had a little fever this morning and stayed home from school, but she seems fine now. I have Aiden's first parent-teacher conference this evening, hopefully it goes well! He really enjoys school and is doing great, so I am not too worried about it.

Happy Fall to all! I can't believe Thanksgiving is just a few weeks away! It will be Christmas before we know it!