Stay Small...

My kids are constantly asking things like, "How old do I have to be to ____________?" Mow the lawn, ride in the front seat, drink wine (that was Ava, help us all, lol), use the oven by themselves. The list goes on and on. I completely understand where they are coming from, because for so much of my life I felt like I was sitting on the cusp of something really good. If I could only drive a car, then my life would be perfect. Once I graduated highschool and went to college, that's where the fun would really begin.

Of course now I know that none of that is true. Sure, drinking wine is fun, but hangovers over the age of 30 are pure hell, lol. Mowing the lawn definitely doesn't seem like a privilege. And truth be told, I've always secretly (ok, not so secretly) hated driving. If anyone else offers to drive, I practically throw the keys in their face. Sometimes I'd just rather not have to be the responsible party.

And that's the heart of the matter, isn't it? I was thinking the other day how I hate to separate my life into "before kids" and "after kids" because it seems so one-dimensional. But some days I literally can not, for the life of me, remember what it felt like to wake up in the morning and not immediately have to worry about the well-being of 2 other people. I don't remember what it felt like to wake up on a Sunday morning and lie blissfully in bed, with the most important thing on my to-do list maybe being "organize the pantry." It seems like an entire lifetime ago.

Perhaps that is why, when my littles ask their questions, "When, when, when will I be big enough?" I tend to say things like, "You can drive a car when you're 16, but how about we get through Kindergarten first?" I don't want them to wish it all away, because I just know that it will be here faster than I can blink. I don't want to tell them that being an adult comes with all of these mundane responsibilities, like bills, and taxes, and housework. I just want to let them be kids for as long as they can.

I don't know what made me think of it the other day, maybe just because I've had my brother on my mind lately, but Aiden is now almost the exact same age that my brother was when our dad passed away. I hate thinking about it, how young and naive and innocent my little Aiden seems to me...and that my brother lost his Dad when he was so very small. It was different for me and my sister, we were years older and had more insight into the personal situation going on at home, in many ways even at almost-9-years-old, I could see how losing our father might turn out to be a blessing for us (he was, in short, not a good person, or father). But my brother didn't really know this, couldn't comprehend it. All he knew was that he was 5-years-old, and his father was dead, and never coming back. I think about having to try to explain something like that to my Aiden...it literally brings me to tears. Naturally I hope and pray that this is never something I have to deal with...but still, I've had it on my mind.

Anyway, this post sort of turned out to be a downer! Lol. I apologize. I guess when you are in that state of mind, you can't help but put it somewhere.

In other, unrelated, news. I got a part-time job! I am working at the YMCA in the drop-in childcare for members 3 evenings a week. So far it's been pretty good, I've had some crazy nights, but all in all it is a wonderful experience. It's definitely opened my eyes to how very lucky I am to have healthy, happy children. The kids are taking my job in stride and are very understanding that their Dad has to put them to bed when Mom is at work. So far, it's working out well, so that is great!

Everyone else is doing well. Ava had a little fever this morning and stayed home from school, but she seems fine now. I have Aiden's first parent-teacher conference this evening, hopefully it goes well! He really enjoys school and is doing great, so I am not too worried about it.

Happy Fall to all! I can't believe Thanksgiving is just a few weeks away! It will be Christmas before we know it!