Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays from the Bailey family! It's been a while since I blogged, and life is chugging along. Aiden is getting over a case of strep throat from last week, poor guy. Everyone else is well, for now :-) I'm finishing up all of my Christmas shopping and am really excited for Christmas this year. We've been really lucky (not to mention that Chuck is great with our finances) and the kids are going to be having the best Christmas they've ever had. I fully expect them to freak out on Christmas morning, lol.

  December is always a busy month for us with Chuck's birthday, Christmas, and then Ava's birthday. I can't believe my little girl is really going to be FIVE. How is that possible? It seems like yesterday that she was born, and now here she is, learning to read (she's doing it all on her own, it's amazing me!), helping me with EVERYTHING around the house, and being her general sassy self:-) Aiden is doing great in school academically--he's reading 60 page chapter books for homework and likes doing linear math equations at the breakfast table for fun (I wish I was joking, I regular am entertained by his morning chatter of, "Mom, 5 + X = 16, solve X. He's 6 years old!!). He is still having some anxiety issues with the social aspects of school, but we're working on it. Hopefully someday soon this trouble will be a distant memory.

 I'm excited for this month, not just for Christmas, but because we are also surprising the kids with the trip to Great Wolf Lodge on the first day of Christmas Break, and then heading to Lansing for an early Christmas with my family. The kids have no idea and they are going to be soooo happy! It will be the last time I see my sister before her baby girl is born too, so I am really excited for that as well! Have a wonderful holiday season, enjoy it all. I hope we get some snow soon, my monkeys are dying to go sledding, we only got to go once last year and they talk about it all the time! We're looking forward to some nice winter adventures, especially now that they are really old enough to stay out in the cold for a while and have fun!

Falling for Fall...

So, a LOT has happened in the past 2 months! Summer has officially come and gone (and now today, on Oct. 25th, it was 80 degrees! But it's too good to be true, back to chilly weather and rain tomorrow, sigh...). Ava started her last year of preschool at St. Paul's in the middle of September, and she loves it. She is going 4 mornings a week (M-T-W-TH) from 9:00-11:30am. It's not a lot of time, but considering that our school district only has 1/2 day Kindergarten (2 hours and 45 minutes and that is IT!), it will help ease her into going to school 5 days a week next year. I have to admit I will be VERY happy when my two are at the same school for a few years! It feels like I spend the entire day running them to and from their respective schools. I only have 2 children, I can't imagine what it would be like to have 3, or 4, or 5! Hats off to all you supermoms who do it all!

We just finished up Outdoor Soccer at the YMCA, and Aiden and Ava both LOVED it. I love that the Y fosters a non-competitive environment, and Aiden had a great coach. Sadly, his team lost every.single.game they played, but it didn't seem to matter one bit, and they were all fantastic sports and had a great time. Aiden did score one goal, but it was actually when he was playing on the opposing team because they didn't have enough team members show up. Poor kid, but he was very good about it, even though his team lost because of the goal he scored against them, lol. Ava loved soccer and the attention she got from her pretty hairdos :-) They both want to play again in the spring and we definitely will!

Aiden has been having a bit of a hard time transitioning at his new school. The year started off so well, and then he started having problems crying every day at school, saying he was tired, or lonely, or missing me, or having trouble making friends. He had a playdate with a boy from his class today and it went very well, and he has had two good days in a row at school, so I am hoping we are through the worst of it now. But it was a rough couple of weeks there for all of us, his teacher and principle included! Luckily, they are both wonderful and have been great at working with me and Aiden to try to get past this. I think we're through the woods now....hopefully the rest of the year is smooth sailing with lots of new friendships!

Aiden started taking karate this week, so that is exciting for him. He has his first lesson tonight and even though a misdirected kick ended in some tears, he did great and really liked it. The first month and the uniform are free...after that the price tag is pretty hard to swallow for a family on one income (I really can't count my two shifts a week at the Y as "income," it's more like petty cash, haha), so I guess we will see if he really wants to continue or if it is just something that can help build some much needed confidence skills right now. At any rate, he is excited about it :-)

In other news, my twin sister had her baby shower a few weekends ago in Michigan, and that was really fun. I made her an owl diaper cake with hair bows, and I had a LOT of fun making it and I think she loved it. She's due with her first baby (a girl--Abigail:-) in January, and I am so so so excited for her arrival. My sister is going to make an AMAZING mother, and my kids can't wait to have a new baby cousin! They have a lot of cousins on Chuck's side of the family, but they are all grown-up or in their teens, and several of them have kids of their own who we do get to see occasionally. I'm just really excited for my sister and her husband and this next stage of their lives--I can't wait for Abby to get here!

I think that about sums up the last 2 months. The kids are SUPER excited for Halloween next week. Aiden is being Spyro (from the video game Skylanders) and Ava is being Merida (the princess from the movie Brave). They can't wait for trick-or-treating with their friends. I just hope it's not too cold that night! Tomorrow night we are going on a haunted hayride at Lake Farkpark. We've never gone before and heard it's a lot of fun, fingers crossed that the rain holds off and doesn't ruin our ride!

 

 

 

 

 

 

1st Grade!

I can hardly believe it, but my little boy is in first grade now! In our school district, we only have half-day Kindergarten, so this is his first time being away from me all day at school, sniff sniff. He is doing GREAT!

We made a BIG change this year and switched schools. There wasn't just one reason, it was a medley of things and an overall sense that a smaller school would be a better fit for him. We applied for the transfer last spring after a lot of thinking, and were told by the school secretary that the transfer would almost certainly NOT be approved because the class sizes were already too big. When just 2 weeks before school was supposed to start, the district announced that his old school would not be opening because they had discovered asbestos and were going to have to send the kids to the educational building at a nearby church, I accepted it and felt ready to deal with what the year was going to bring. But we got a huge surprise in the mail just the day before the district posted the class lists, and the transfer request was accepted!

So Aiden is going to Madison Ave. elementary school, and this will be our school for both of the kids for the years to come. I really can't even begin to explain how wonderful the reception has been there. It is such a welcoming school, everyone we met has been extremely nice. The teachers are all wonderful and the principal goes out of her way to know every family and every child, it's amazing. The school has a fantastic playground right next to the building, which is where I pick Aiden up every day, and it's a great meeting place for the parents to chat while the kids play after school. School has only been in session for a little over a week and I already know more parents at Aiden's new school than I ever met the entire year at his old school--that's pretty awesome!

Aiden has Mrs. Davis, who is proving to be a strict but kind teacher, just what he needs. She's mentioned to Chuck and I several times how bright Aiden is and how much common sense and logic he has for a 6-year-old. It's no surprise to us, but it is nice to hear it from his teacher! I think Aiden is already a little bored in first grade, but hopefully he can improve on his reading and math skills and learn a thing or two this year, lol!

The school year is off to a great start for us. Ava goes back to St. Paul's preschool on Sept. 10th, and she's really looking forward to that. It's been a change for us not having Aiden around all day! I am working 2 mornings a week at the Y now, so that's a welcome change for me to give up one of my night shifts and work a few hours while the kids are both in school! (Ava is coming with me for now, but it will be great once she's in school!). Madison Ave. has a lot of fantastic school events planned this year, and I know it is going to be a lot of fun. We are looking forward to all of it!

Ode to Summer

It happens every August. The sorrowful slapping of autumnal rain against sheeted glass, ribbons of dewy drops running in rivulets as Mother Nature weeps. I mourn too, for summer is ending.

I awoke this morning to a chill. I have not felt chilled outside of the confines of my artificially cooled vehicle and home in months. The nip in the air reminded me that the last of summer's bright burning flames are cooling to embers, soon to be snuffed out by snaking, swirling swarms of fluttering foliage, dancing on the wind. The mighty emerald walls around us will all too soon surrender to fall, revealing winter's skeleton in drab and dingy dim. I am always ill-prepared.

Every June, my spirit awakens with the ever-earlier rising sun, embarking on a journey basking in beach-filled days and campfire nights. My soul dances like the flitting fireflies on the lawn in mid-July, sings a chorus even more chaotic than the cacophony of crickets droning to the beat of their own ambitious aria. I literally come alive with the warmth of summer. Nothing tastes as sweet as summer ice cream melting on your tongue; cool, creamy custard shivering and slipping down your chin. Nothing feels as wonderful as icy lake water rippling over your sun-drenched summer skin like the smoothest silk, the softest fur. I always stop to remind myself that I am literally swimming, splashing, in a colossal chasm carved by a melting glacier thousands of years ago. I like to imagine that somewhere in the great depths around me there is still meltwater left from that giant block of ice, and I am swimming in a literal sea of time, and tears and tide. A sobering thought.

July bleeds blazing and burning into early August and the calendar looms, futile and forlorn. The end is near. The countdown begins: how many days left to savor and soak, relish and revel? Soon it all begins again, a new school year, a new routine, always busier than the last.

It isn't that I dislike Fall, it's just that Autumn comes with so many expectations. Summer takes you as you are, wraps you up in warmth, welcomes your lounging, lazy days, sets no boundaries or rules. Fall sweeps you away in a churning current of rigidity: schedules, schools, carpools, homework, sports and activities. Gone are the park picnics and pool days, replaced by rushing school days. And while I love crisp apples, fuzzy hooded sweatshirts, pumpkin pie and crunchy leaves...none of it holds a candle to a balmy, breezy summer night with the scent of campfire hanging heavy in the air.

Summer, I applaud you. I have one more week to sing your praises and celebrate your swan song before Autumn's requisition rushes in. And I shall cherish every moment. Until next June...a medley of summer's bounty:

The Shape of a Mother

Not everyone admits it, and in fact, for some women, it isn't even true. But for a majority of women, we face an ugly truth: having a baby ruined our bodies. *GASP* Yeah, that's right, I said it, out loud. Having children outright ruined my body. It's the cold, hard truth, no doubt about it.

A popular blog (that is by no means new, but I want to talk about anyway), The Shape of a Mother, shows the good, the bad and the ugly about women's bodies post-childbirth. Some women get off pretty easy, a few light stretch marks here and there, maybe a linea nigra (you know, that brown stripe down the middle of the tummy) that takes a while to fade. Nothing they can't stomach, pun intended! Some of us...not so much. Hideous stretch marks, baggy, sagging skin, discolored/mis-shapen nipples, breasts that are unrecognizable to our former, childless selves. Sometimes I see a mother on the beach or at the pool and I can't help myself, I feel jealous. How can she still look so GOOD? There's a thousand different variables, I'm sure genetics plays a huge part and also I know that during my first pregnancy I didn't take care of my body the way I should have. I am definitely partly to blame for my own disfigurement. And yes, I do see it as a physical disfiguration.

Is that fair? Maybe not. But I know that I can't stand to look at my stomach in a mirror. I know that I find the idea that my husband still finds me attractive and desirable to be laughable. I literally do not feel comfortable being intimate without having some sort of cover-up on that conceals what I jokingly refer to as my "kangaroo pouch." My post-pregnancy body, 4.5 years after my youngest was born, is looking worse than ever, even worse than right after I delivered. I had hoped, with my first, that my stomach would shrink, and it did, eventually. But my skin was not elastic, and I am left with a hanging pocket of skin--a flap that literally laps over my c-section scar and down into my pubic region. It's disgusting. It literally repulses me every single time I see it. It is made even more nauseating by the stretch marks covering my entire torso. Sure, they've faded to a dull silvery-white, which is better than the bright red they were initially, but they aren't any prettier to look at, that's for sure.

I have a friend that had similar post-partem body issues and recently underwent a "mommy makeover," which included a breast lift and a tummy tuck. She looks, in a word, AMAZING. It's unreal how gorgeous her stomach is--she even wears bikinis now! Granted, she worked very hard to lose weight before the surgery and has worked very hard since to maintain her new figure. And I am, of course, green with envy. The thought that someday I might be able to have this pouch of skin cut off my body...it's something I can't even let myself daydream about. Why? Because it costs thousands and thousands of dollars. My friend paid $17k for her surgery, and that's cheap according to national standards. Plastic surgery costs are on the rise and, of course, there's always the risk that something awful could go wrong during the surgery. Am I so vain that I would risk my own life just to regain some of the confidence that I had before I surrendered my body for the sake of my children?

Yes.

I know, it makes me seem like a shallow person, but I miss the old, confident me. The truth is that I've been trying to lose weight for years now. After Ava was born, I actually did lose a significant amount of weight quickly, and was the lowest weight I had been in years. Do you know how I felt looking in the mirror? In some ways, worse than being heavier now, because the excess skin was even that much more unattractive. It hung lower, my breasts were even smaller and saggier. I could fit in a smaller size pants, but I didn't want to because all I could see was that roll of skin tucked under the waist band. Some days I wonder why I even bother with all the dieting and exercise when I know that ultimately losing weight isn't going to change a damn thing about my body image.

So, the real question remains. How do I get past it? How does any mother overcome her body issues after having children? I don't know the answer. It's still a daily struggle for me. And I ask myself, over and over again, "But you would do it again, right? For them?" And the answer is, of course. I WOULD do it again, over and over, because my children are worth it. Of course they are. I know there are so many women out there right now who are struggling with infertility, who want to be pregnant more than anything in the world, and they can't. I know that they would take sagging stomach skin and stretch marks in an instant if it meant having a healthy baby. But would it have been nice to have had my cake and eat it too? Heck yes, lol.

Seriously, go check out The Shape of a Mother. I also have to add that my identical twin sister is expecting her first child, and I am over the moon excited and ecstatic for her. And I hope she realizes this is not some awful, crazy scare tactic--she's seen my battle wounds and she wants them all the same. And who knows? Maybe she will fare much better than I did! I think much of it is a matter of taking good care of yourself. I know that if I hadn't gained so much weight with my son (40 pounds exactly), I wouldn't hate my body as much as I do right now. You live and learn, and you don't get a second chance to do it right the first time. Here's to daily affirmations, loving the me on the inside because she's who counts the most, and finding the good in each and every day. This body isn't perfect--but it made some pretty amazing kids, and for that I am so extremely grateful.

Until next time,
~ B ~