Please Remember Me...

I think that this is true for nearly all parents, but I want my children look back upon their childhoods and remember me with fondness in certain very particular aspects. Perhaps, for most of us, this stems from certain wonderful memories from our own childhood that we hope to recreate and emulate for our own children. In that same sense, if we have disappointing or sad memories from our childhoods, we likely hope to spare our children from these same feelings and work our hardest to ensure that they are never in those same situations. It seems that almost daily I am struck by a particular situation or setting in which I think to myself, "I hope my children look back one day and remember this. I hope they remember me being ______." And that's what this little post is about today. For my children, I hope beyond hope that you look back on your childhoods and remember me....

Please remember all the fun summers we had swimming at the Outdoor Y. The picnics, the laughter, the friends. Please remember me as being watchful, but not overbearing, encouraging, but not insistent. Please remember me as being proud of your achievements. Please remember me as being protective of your skin so that you hopefully never need to worry about sunburn or cancer.

Please remember the time we spend reading. Please remember my funny voices, my slow pace, my explanations of words that you might not understand. Please let my love of reading pass into you and carry you through your life.

Please remember our family dinners. Every night we sit together for a home-cooked meal, we talk about our highs and lows, we connect as a family. Please remember that I taught myself how to cook, and that I love teaching you. Please remember that we had full plates, full bellies, and full hearts.

Please remember that I can be silly. Remember our kitchen dances, our sing-at-the-top-of-our-lungs car rides with the windows down. Please remember that I think you have beautiful voices, no matter what tune you sing. 

 

Please remember that I love you, no matter what. Every time I look at you, I see a little piece of my heart walking around outside my body. My love is fierce, my love is strong, my love is ever-lasting. I am here for you now, tomorrow, and always. 

 

I'm going to try to be better about blogging. I miss it a lot--writing is always a good exercise for the soul. If you are actually still reading this thing, then thank you! Until next time...

 

Barbara

High Low

I have a million things to blog about--Aiden turned 6, we had a wonderful visit with my cousin and wife and new baby, my mom and dad, sister and her husband. Our yard is all torn up like you wouldn't believe, but we have a brand new septic system and can resume our normal bathing schedule, lol. The list of things I could write about seems endless, but I want to write about a new game we've been playing at dinner. It's called High Low.

This idea isn't my own, I unashamedly stole it from a blog, I only wish I could remember which one so as to give it credit! For as long as we've been sitting at our dining room table together for dinner, we've always asked our kids to tell us about their day. We talk about school, Y classes, playing outside, etc. But then I stumbled upon the High Low game, and I think it's worth telling you all about. I think it's something that is really encouraging our kids to open up to us, to not just tell us about the good, but to tell us about the bad too, and how it made them feel. It's becoming my favorite part of the day, listening to my littles share their hearts with me.

It's as simple as it sounds. We go around the table in turns and each person tells about the High point of their day, and the Low point of their day. Ava's is usually predictable, if I made something she likes to eat for dinner, that is usually her high point, lol. She struggles to come up with a Low, and she usually needs reminding about a fight with her brother or a fit she threw at me for some trivial thing or another. She doesn't like reflecting on the Low point, it makes her feel sad, but we always end up discussing what happened and finding solace in the fact that she can always try harder next time to control her temper, or be nicer to a friend. Aiden's High often involves success with building a toy or completing a level in a video game, but he's starting to evolve and take more pride in his own personal accomplishments. Yesterday his High was that he graduated his swimming class and is now a Polliwog (based solely on the fact that he turned 6 and moves automatically to the next level, but he doesn't know this, and I am proud of how hard he worked this session). He was so proud to tell us, so happy with his little piece of paper. It really warmed my heart. His Low typically involves something that happened at school--another kid making fun of the way he writes a certain letter or the way he sang a song in music class, or he tripped and fell in gym. It hurts me to hear him describe his embarrassment or sadness, but it encourages me to hear him talk about it so freely. This silly little game we play, it's helping my kids really TALK to us about the way they feel, about their best moments of the day and their darkest ones as well. I hope that as the years go by, we always look at this game as an opportunity to grow as parents, to nurture our children and raise them to be individuals who are capable of expressing feelings and emotions. I hope that it's something that they look back on and remember with nostalgia and love. I know I definitely will.

I just wanted to share this little game on my blog, so I can remember when it began for our family, and encourage others to play it too. High Low is quickly becoming the High point of most of my days, because it's hard to find time in my busy daily life to just sit and do nothing but talk to my kids about their feelings. And it's also really, really nice to hear my 4 year old say, "Mommy, what was the best part of your day?"

My Disney Journal

During our Disney vacation, I kept a daily journal of what we did and the memories we made, because I knew I would forget all too soon otherwise! Please do NOT feel obligated to read the entire thing, I am posting it so that I have it saved somewhere other than my hard drive, lol. We really did have the most amazing trip and I wanted to remember every minute of it!

If you are interested in seeing the pictures I took in Disney, here is the link to them: https://plus.google.com/photos/116819915576737615694/albums/5703566408873855265?authkey=CLug0_Kh3bWj2gE. We have a ton of photos that Disney photographers took also, but we're still trying to decide if we want to purchase them or not!

Our Disney Trip: January 22-29, 2012

Sunday: Today was a busy travel day! We flew out of the Pittsburgh airport because it was much cheaper than flying out of Cleveland, so we ended up coming to Pittsburgh Saturday evening and staying in a hotel near the airport (yay for credit card points and a free night at the Holiday Inn!). Our flight left at 6:20am so we had to be up EARLY and everyone was cranky, but excited. We had a layover in Atlanta where Delta ended up putting the 4 of us in separate seats for the continuing flight, but we got it straightened out and everything else went off without a hitch. After a long trip on the Magical Express in Orlando, we finally arrived at our resort, the Wilderness Lodge, around 2:30pm. We explored the resort and went swimming for a bit—it was sunny and almost 80 degrees! Aiden really loved the water slide in the pool, and Ava loved swimming in the kiddie pool (she didn’t have to worry about getting water in her ears in there). Eventually we headed back to the room and got cleaned up for dinner. We took the boat from Wilderness Lodge to the Contemporary Resort and had dinner at Chef Mickey’s! It was a buffet dinner with Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy and Pluto! It really was a great way to start off our trip, the kids were so excited to see their favorite characters. After dinner, we rode the monorail to the Magic Kingdom. We had time for a few rides before the fireworks, so we went on Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin, the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party, and the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. The fireworks really scared Ava (I made a note to bring earplugs for next time) and Aiden ended up falling asleep in his stroller, silly boy! We made it out of the Magic Kingdom and took the boat back to our resort. In our room the kids had a big surprise waiting for them! My cousin, Chris, and his wife, Dawn, had sent the kids gift baskets with personalized embroidered Mickey Ears, character autograph books with matching pens, and some Mickey pretzels and cookies! It was such an amazing gift and the kids were so excited! What a great end to a very busy day!

Monday: We started off the first full day of our trip with a character breakfast in the Magic Kingdom! We rode the boat over from our resort (that was such a nice feature, as the bus rides in Disney can take a while, but the boat ride was about 10 minutes!) and made our way to The Crystal Palace. It was a breakfast buffet featuring Winnie the Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore, and Tigger. The kids loved the characters and this time had their new autograph books and loved getting the characters signatures. After breakfast, we hit the rides hard. We explored the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse, rode the Jungle Cruise (I loved the kitschy humor!) and rode It’s a Small World (Aiden saw the Parisian dancers lifting their skirts and yelled, “Mom! They are showing us their panties!” It was hilarious!). Then we did the Magic Carpets of Aladdin (beware of the water-squirting camel! He got me right in the ear, lol) and the Pirates of the Caribbean. Later we split up so that Aiden and Daddy could ride Splash Mountain (Aiden LOVED it) while Ava and I rode the train around the Magic Kingdom and got in line to get Woody and Jessie’s autographs. Then we all headed back to the hotel (love that boat ride!) and the kids went to the Cub’s Den for a few hours while Chuck and I went to Hollywood Studios for the night. We had a quick dinner of cheeseburgers and fries (not healthy, but very good!) and then rode the Tower of Terror and Rockin’ Roller Coaster. Both rides were a blast but the waits had been a bit long, so our night out was over. We bought the kids souvenirs (a princess Minnie stuffed animal for Ava and a Perry the Platypus stuffed animal for Aiden) and picked up the kids. They had a blast in the Cub’s Den and were delighted with their presents.


Tuesday: Animal Kingdom! Another bright and sunshiny day in Disney, sunny and 80 again! We rode the bus to the Animal Kingdom and headed straight for the roller coaster, Expedition Everest. Aiden and Chuck rode right away and Aiden was a bit scared. I wanted to ride it since the line was so short and Chuck convinced Aiden to go with me again, but it proved to be too much for the little guy, he cried almost the entire ride. But it was a great coaster! Next we headed to Kilamanjaro Safaris. This is set up like a real African safari ride through a large, sprawling zoo, and the animals roam pretty freely. We saw everything from a baby elephant with his mother (my favorite!) to giraffes blocking the road of another car, hippos, rhinos, crocodiles, and everything in between. Ava loved how bumpy the car was on the path! After our safari ride, we walked the Pangani Forest Trail to see the gorillas and birds and other small animals. We had lunch at Pizzafari and then played in the Boneyard for a while (a large fenced-in playground, essentially. The kids loved it!). Next we rode the Triceratop Spin and then Aiden and Chuck rode Dinosaur while Ava and I played some more in the Boneyard. Afterwards, we saw two amazing shows: The Festival of the Lion King and Finding Nemo, the Musical. Both were great and Ava, in particular, LOVED the music in the Lion King and couldn’t sit still in her seat! Animal Kingdom closed for the day at 5pm and we headed back for a great BBQ meal at the Whispering Canyon Café at our resort. The kids did hobby horse races after dinner and especially loved that when someone asked for ketchup, the last table to request it had to race over and bring all 12 bottles of ketchup to the next person who asked. It was hilarious! (We asked for ketchup before we knew how this all worked, lol. Not a lot of elbow room on our table after that!). Chuck and I shared a skillet with ribs, chicken, mashed potatoes and corn and it was really good! We went swimming after dinner and then made an early night of it, everyone was exhausted!

Wednesday: Yet again, we lucked out and it was another gorgeous day in Disney—sunny and near 80 degrees. We hit Hollywood Studios, which proved to be one of everyone’s favorite parks! There are a ton of shows to see in Hollywood Studios, and we did as many as we could. First things first though, we raced to sign Aiden up for Jedi Training! He was in the 12:40pm show and it was awesome. Each kid got to wear a robe and use a light saber to battle Darth Vader! It was definitely a huge highlight of our Disney trip. We saw Disney Junior Live with Mickey and the Clubhouse gang, Jake and the Neverland Pirates, the Little Einsteins, and Handy Manny and all of his tools. Mommy and Ava saw Voyage of the Little Mermaid and Ava loved the kiss at the end. We had lunch at Pizza Planet, which was fun for the kids, and then saw Muppets 3D, and Beauty and The Beast on Stage. The kids had a great time meeting Phineas and Ferb and really loved the Pixar Pals parade. Then we had dinner at the Sci-Fi Diner where you eat in cars like you are at a drive-in movie. After dinner we took the bus back to Magic Kingdom and saw the fireworks in an AMAZING spot. It was a really long but super fun day!

Thursday: We seriously lucked out on the weather during our trip—ANOTHER beautiful day, sunny and 80 degrees! We decided to take a bit of time to relax today. We had breakfast at the hotel quick service café, and did some laundry. Then we took the bus to Downtown Disney for some shopping. The kids got Disney gift cards from Granny and Grandad for Christmas, and they were so excited to have some spending money of their very own! We checked out the Lego store (some amazing creations there, including a Loch Ness Monster in the lagoon, so awesome!) and the World of Disney store. Aiden bought 2 Phineas and Ferb playsets and a Mickey Pirates of the Caribbean set. Ava bought a Cinderella locket, a Minnie fashion set and a stuffed Minnie doll. Chuck bought me a beautiful snowglobe with Cinderella’s Castle inside! In the afternoon, we had lunch back at the hotel and went swimming for a bit, then headed out to the Magic Kingdom for some fun. We saw Mickey’s Philharmagic and then Aiden and Chuck rode the Haunted Mansion ride while Ava and I rode the carousel a few times. We really lucked out and got to meet some very special characters with NO WAITING during the afternoon parade: Mickey, Minnie, Belle, Aurora and Cinderella! Ava was so sweet and excited, she got to talk with each of the princesses for a few minutes and it amazed me how wonderful they were with her. For dinner we went to the Polynesian resort and ate at Ohana’s—hands down the BEST meal we ate in Disney! Even Aiden found a food he liked—steak! Good taste, kid! We ended the day by taking the monorail to Epcot where we rode The Seas with Nemo & Friends and then saw Illuminations, Epcot’s fireworks display.

Friday: In the morning, we split up into boys and girls so the guys could ride some of the bigger rides at Epcot. Aiden and Chuck rode Test Track twice, Soarin’, and Mission: Space while Ava and I went to the Magic Kingdom for more of her favorites (the carousel, It’s a Small World, and we got Dole Whips for a treat, yum!). Then we met the boys in Epcot and “lunched around the world” feeding people in various countries, lol. Chuck and I had great sushi in Japan (Ava even ate the fish eggs from mine, silly girl!), Ava had a hotdog somewhere in the middle, and Aiden tried an empanada in Mexico. It did rain for about 20 minutes (those ponchos from the Dollar Tree came in handy!) but then it cleared up and the sun came back out. We had some fun in the afternoon riding the Nemo ride again and saw Turtle Talk with Crush which was really funny and one of the coolest parts of Epcot. We also rode Spaceship Earth (inside the big Epcot globe) and saw the Circle of Life movie. For dinner we had a really memorable experience: dinner with the Princesses at Akershus in Norway! Ava was absolutely enthralled and could hardly believe her eyes. Belle and Cinderella even remembered meeting her the day before at the Magic Kingdom! (it really was the same princesses, too!). Snow White held Ava’s hand as they did a princess parade around the restaurant, and we got a wonderful keepsake photo of the kids with Belle. After dinner, we finally met up with the Tanskis, our friends who were also in Disney for the week! The kids went to the Sandcastle Club at their resort, The Beach Club, while we headed out to walk around Epcot, have some beers, and see the fireworks. Unfortunately, Aiden ended up getting sick and they called us to come pick him up, but after that he was ok and we headed back to the hotel for bed.

Saturday: Our LAST day in Disney! We decided to spend it at Magic Kingdom, which ended up being really crowded because it was the weekend. We rode Peter Pan’s flight and then met Tiana. We saw the Monster’s Inc Laugh Factory, which was really cute, and then Aiden and Dad rode Space Mountain. We rode Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger spin and Aladdin’s Magic Carpets again, and then saw the Country Bear’s Jamboree. We lucked out and got a front row seat to take in the afternoon parade one last night (Belle waved and pointed at Ava, she recognized her again!). We stopped in a shop on our way out to buy a few more souvenirs (t-shirts, a Christmas ornament, and some toys for the kids) and decided to head back to the hotel for ice cream and a bit of a rest. Dinner was at the Grand Floridian Café (where I accidentally fell down the stairs, ouch!) and we watched fireworks from the hotel since it had an amazing view of the castle. Then we headed back to the hotel for packing and bed.

Travel Sunday took ALL day and was, by far, the absolute worst day of our vacation, so I will spare you the ugly details, lol. The good news is that we all made it home safe and sound…eventually.

Our Disney trip was a magical vacation that I will remember forever. I can’t imagine a better family vacation, we made memories that I know will always be among my most treasured. Seeing Disney through the eyes of my children, with such wonder and awe, it was truly a trip of a lifetime.

The SuperMom Conundrum

I have a ridiculously long post to write about our awesome vacation in Disney World, but sometimes when you have a seed in your head, it starts to grow, and refuses to go away until you just plant the darn thing already! So here are my musings on what I like to call "The SuperMom Conundrum."

If you follow my blog or know me personally in any respect, you know that I can be a tad bit envious of other moms. You know those moms I'm talking about. They are the moms who make me stop and say to myself, "How does she do it ALL? I wish I could be more like her. I wish I could make it look so easy!" Now, to be fair, I know deep in my heart and my head that NO mom out there has it 100% together 100% of the time. But some women are just particularly good at making this motherhood business look pretty darn simple. And I'll put it out there for you just so you aren't confused about my opinion, lol: IT IS HARD! It's so hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my whole entire life, and most days all I can think is what a bad job I am doing, what a terrible mess I am making of it all, and I wonder how many years of therapy my kids will ultimately need to reconcile my OCD tendencies about their toys and my crazy obsession with hand sanitizer and my absolute intolerance to whining of any sort. And we all know that one mom (or 10!) who works full-time but still manages to remember show-and-tell and permission slips and also fits in PTO meetings and playdates and then somehow ALSO manages to stay in her highschool size 6 jeans! But that's probably not reality...right?

I think that somehow, over the course of the last 50 years and the Women's Liberation Movement, we women have put more pressure on ourselves than ever before. I read this article this week about the long-standing debate between working moms and stay-at-home moms and it resonated deep within me. When did we decide that we're not successful mothers if we can't do it ALL, do it WELL, and smile the entire time? There are only so many hours in the day! It's just not humanly possible to have a full-time job out of the home, spend every second with your children that they're not in school (and ENJOY it), cook a homemade dinner every night (with organic food and no high fructose corn syrup, no less!), clean the house, do the laundry, exercise religiously (God forbid you actually look like you kept children in that stomach at one point!), keep yourself looking kempt (my hair is starting to take on that perma-ponytail bump again...), and do it all happily, with no griping or eye-rolling or long winded sighs. It's can't be done...can it?

Somewhere deep inside of me is this version of the mother that I think I am supposed to be. Society, the media, and even fellow mothers have built my "SuperMom" up so much inside my head that I don't think I will ever, EVER, come close to her. I start off every day with these completely unrealistic expectations of myself, my children, my husband, everyone. And I can tell you from personal experience that when you start the day at 6:30am with unrealistic expectations, it sure isn't going to be a great day.

So I've decided that this is the year that I kick that SuperMom out of my head. She needs to find another head to live in. I don't have a full-time job and I'm not really using my college degree. I work outside the home 7 - 8 hours a week, and that's plenty for me right now. I don't have to cook a gourmet meal 7 nights a week. I don't have to be perfect 100% of the time and smile doing it. But you know what I DO have to do? I need to LIGHTEN UP. I need to revel in this phase. I need to remember (I'm stealing this from a FB friend, I hope she doesn't mind!) that this life is a marathon, not a sprint, and if I'm going to make it to the end, I need to set my pace accordingly. I need to congratulate myself on the small victories and know when to tell myself, "Better luck next time." I need to hug my kids more, yell at them less, and let my unrealistic expectations fly out the window. Because at the end of every day, no matter how tough it was, I still know that I am lucky like a four-leaf clover. And that is really ALL that matters.

Bye-bye SuperMom. This RegularMom is going to play Wii with her kids :-)

Another Birthday Behind Bars...

I have my little brother on my mind today. It's his 28th birthday, and he's spending yet another birthday behind bars. If my math is right, it's the 5th one in the last 7 years. It's sad, heartbreaking for my family...I can't imagine how it feels for him right now.

We don't talk much about my little brother these days. One the one hand, it's almost embarrassing that something so awful could happen to him. On the other, it's painful to remember. Things just seem better left in the past; he put everyone through so much that it seems pointless to re-hash it all. What's done is done. Sometimes, I will ashamedly admit, days go by and I don't think of him at all. And then suddenly, especially lately when I am playing with my kids, I get hit by a certain long-forgotten memory, a tiny piece of the old Matthew that I stored away somewhere, and I miss him. We never had a great relationship, that much is true. But I still love him, even now, even after everything.

It hurts my heart to know that my children will not grow up knowing who their Uncle Matt is. They did meet him, once, over Thanksgiving back in 2009, when he was clean and out of prison and on a track that we all hoped would stay that way. But it didn't. Somewhere along the line he lost his balance, didn't ask for help, fell off the wire, went back to heroin, robbed several stores, landed back in prison. I haven't spoken to him in 2 years. I'm not sure when I will.

Like I said, we don't mention Matthew much these days. But sometimes, NOT talking about him feels wrong. I think his story is heartbreaking, but it's happening everywhere, all over this country. There is NO such thing as recreational drug use, especially when it comes to hard drugs. I've never met a single person who could "take it or leave it" when it comes to heroin. From my understanding, once you start on a drug like that, it changes you, makes you willing to do almost anything for more. Steal from your family? Yes. Lie to your family? Yes. Even rob a store at gunpoint, just for a few hundred dollars to get your next high. It's scary what drugs can do, but at the same time I think my family is grateful that it wasn't worse. He isn't dead, he didn't overdose. He didn't kill anyone. He has some pretty serious psychiatric problems and health issues, and in prison he is actually getting the help he needs to get better. Eventually. Maybe. I don't know. I'm hopeful.

Matthew can't read this, but his story is important. I know it will be one that I will eventually tell to my children, over and over, to show them what drugs can do to even the smartest and brightest of people. When the sky is your limit, and you choose to do hard drugs, there's just no telling how far you can fall.

Happy Birthday, Matthew. I love you. I forgive you. I hope you are getting better.

~Barbara