No, nope, nuh-uh, no way

No. It's a word that most toddlers learn right away. It's an important word. It's just that I never realized how MUCH I would be saying "No!" as a mother.

Sometimes, it's necessary. Crucial even. "No! Don't let go of my hand in the parking lot!" "No! Don't touch the hot stovetop!" Or even, like today at the mall, "No! You may NOT lick people, Ava!"

But other times, I have to wonder, is there really a point? Would I really be the WORST mom in the world if I just said YES? Sometimes, saying no makes things so much harder for me. It causes tears and tantrums, it makes me feel like I'm being "mean" even if I am really just being "cautious." Sometimes I fantasize about an entire day of yes...

Yes, you can have chocolate bars for breakfast!
Yes, we can watch tv all morning!
Yes, I'll buy you that awesome new toy!
Yes, we can eat Doritos for lunch!
Yes, let's skip naps and play video games all afternoon!
Yes, let's have ice cream for dinner!
Yes, let's stay up late and skip baths!

My kids would think I hung the moon if they ever had a day like that. But, instead, I spend what feels like MOST of my time saying no to my kids. And I can't help it, it makes me feel bad. Guilty. Even if I am saying no for their own good. Even if I am protecting their teeth and their appetites, protecting their brains from too much media stimulation (whatever the heck that is, lol), protecting their healthy sleep habits. I know I am strict, but to some people it just comes across as "mean." And I hate that.

I follow these parameters, these "guidelines" that someone, somewhere, somehow decided are the "right" way to parent. I limit tv time. I enforce a schedule. We have meal times and snack times, and I try (but sometimes fail, admittedly) to feed my kids healthy foods. I encourage good manners, I discourage fighting. But in the end, all it really feels like is a string of no's. "No, no more tv right now." "No, please don't fight over that toy." "No, we do not hit people." "No, please stop pulling on the cat's tail."

I'm working on it, I really am. I'm trying to be more positive and optimistic, trying to spin disappointments into unexpected delights. And I know that by next week, I won't remember this day of "no!" and it will feel like a million years away, because that's how these things go. All I can do is sigh a big sigh, give my kids hugs and kisses and remind them that, "Yes! Mommy loves you!" and remember that some moms are "yes" moms and some moms are "no" moms, but we love our children all the same.

"The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes." ~ Tony Blair